I spoke about it yesterday on the blog but I recently received some really sucky results that really upsettingly count toward my degree. I'm really upset and it is causing me to panic quite a bit. I'm trying really hard to plan and try the hardest I have ever tried in my life but it is reducing me to a state of, I can't do it. I know, though, that I need to be about three days into Easter before I really judge that I can in fact do it. I need to prove to myself that I can pick myself up, and really start trying hard. And in order to do this I have a choice to make.
And that choice is whether I let myself just feel devastated or whether I chose to try my damned hardest for my exams this spring. And I'm going to try super hard. I really am. These bad results have put me behind massively. I can't afford not to get every mark I can possibly get. I've worked out the grades I need to get and all of that kind of stuff and to be quite frank, it's not very nice.
So I need to make sure my mind is in the best place it can be; I need to make sure I'm healthy; I need to make sure I know when I need to work and when I need to, well, play! I'm really upset with myself but I have to move on or else I'm not giving myself the best chance to succeed. And why limit myself? I can't physically do as well as I was hoping to do this year and that really sucks. I've really let myself down. However I can do my absolute best in order to ensure I have the best chances of bringing myself up next year.
I am upset I'm at the position I'm at this year but I'm also aware I am the only one who can change it. Me. It's my life, it's my choice and it's going to be my hard work. If I get myself to where I will get myself in the next few days I know the panic will melt away into even more motivation and I'll know just how capable I am.
I have a very busy day ahead of me and I'm up earlier than needed and so you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to catch up on university reading. I won't get what I wanted to get this year but I will get ever so slightly below. And then I will get what I want to get next year.
Because that's my choice and I know I can do it.
A Choice & A Chance,
The Girl in the Moonlight.
P.S. I am blogging twice every day this month- you can read my last post HERE!