I've been thinking a lot about regret recently- the darker regret (although not dark, dark) where we are really sorry. Really, genuinely sorry. It's got me thinking about how I have so much respect for sincere apologies and the meaning and care behind them.
Naturally a sincere apology doesn't necessarily mean it will lead to a forgiven situation and there are situations where it shouldn't either, however I know that in my life, any mistake I have made, I call a mistake because that's what I feel like it has been. I have regretted it and hated my actions and importantly, learnt from my actions.
I have been in situations (although not an abnormal amount, I hope) where my heart has ached not necessarily for forgiveness, but for the person I have done wrong to know how truly sorry I am. They deserve to know that I either didn't mean to hurt their feelings or I truly regret being careless. They deserve to know so that is can't be a reflection on them, only me and so that they may be able to have some piece of mind or even make a decision. One can only be sincerely sorry when they apologise without agenda. Although it is perfectly natural to apologise for partially selfish reasons (it might make us feel better), it has to be about who has been affected most of all.
I am not a worrier but when I have done something wrong, I feel and live guilt. As much as this is one of the reasons that I know my apologies are sincere, I have also been told that I can overthink these situations and I shouldn't- something I plan to always improve (when I make mistakes). So, as a side note, sometimes we should give ourselves a break. More importantly we should sincerely apologies, but we should give our guilt a break.
The lucky thing is, we learn from our mistakes. That is part of what makes a sincere apology. If we keep doing this thing we claim to be so very sorry for, then we can't really be that sorry, can we? For example, I would claim I was sorry and "didn't mean to eat all of the chocolate chips that were meant for cooking" to my mum when I would find them in the cupboard, but then I did it again. And again. (I really wasn't sorry.) However, I know I will never apologise if I don't mean it and I will state this so that I'm not just really ignorant, I will listen when I am accused of doing wrong but am not aware (and a sincere apology will arise from this if I so believe it) and I will always do my best to let someone know how truly, truly sorry I am if I act a way that even slightly upsets myself.
Honesty & Sincerity,
The Girl in the Moonlight.
P.S. I am taking part in Blogtober which you can read about HERE. HERE is yesterday's post!