Tonight has been very uneventful, very peaceful and very quiet.
After coming in from a run, showering and having dinner, I've been sat in my room. It is safe to say I have achieved nothing, but the hours have gone past quickly. I feel thankful for it today. I had no where to go and nothing pressing to do. I just floated on by in a happy state, fully aware I was procrastinating. Yesterday I was out all evening and panic was present (although not too present) about how I needed to post for Blogtober. I am posting at a not too dissimilar time to yesterday and yet I feel very calm.
One of my aims for summer was to give myself more "me time." My summer was very busy but I did succeed more in this than I did the summer before and although I meant "me time" in terms of reading and watching some telly and chilling with whatever I see fit, tonight has been some very good, quiet time... I've done nothing.
Thinking has used up a lot of my time. Tonight has felt like a junior school "reflection time" session. I've been thinking about after university and the doom and gloom fear of "OH MY GOODNESS I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO AND I MUST KNOW. I. MUST. KNOW." Suddenly, however, I realised I'm not that scared about the prospect of not knowing anymore.
I've spent pretty much my whole life not knowing what "I want to be when I'm older." Although my heart sings for a career in writing and I will try my hardest to succeed, I've not thought of much else. What else is there? I love writing. But... Writing is a broad career and hard one to achieve too. Not that I'm afraid of hard work- I'm definitely not. Just...
Just. I feel like our lives are always changing because of "just." "It's just, it's too hard."/"It's just, I don't have the time."/"I just don't think I can do it." As much as I'm just not sure what is going to happen after university, I am going to work out what my first step is and if I'll keep working until I get what I want and I'll just keep working then as well!
I just know for sure that I enjoyed my quiet night, and I hope I always live a life where these nights are possible.
Just Smile & Adore,
The Girl in the Moonlight.
P.S. You can read about Blogtober HERE and yesterday's post HERE!