At only 18 I am aware I have had a blissfully uncomplicated life with not a lot I feel I should be ungrateful for. I have, however, only a few times, felt a heavy weight of a few situations where I have wanted to forgive but have felt unable.
Forgiveness is a complicated one, I think. We hope to be forgiven easier than we forgive others ourselves.
And yet, in two situations where I have felt particularly gutted, part of the reason why is that I know I wouldn't have treated that person the same.
In both situations, there are factors, though, that do make it forgivable. And this is enough of a happy point to make forgiveness easier. This, by the way, is the conclusion of the post. I will find a way to forgive properly. I want to reach true forgiveness.
I have been in situations where I have felt hard-done by (and I do believe rightly so) and I have found it hard to move on because of it. Equally, I have always wanted to move on... to truly forgive. Once forgiven verbally, I feel a little unfair if something is always on my mind still. Yet, I can't be expected to not think about something and not voice it too. Forgiveness is a sensitive soul. Yet, I feel I would be unfair if I carry on bringing up this certain subject.
Talking about whatever it is when the issue arises has always been necessary in my cases and something that is probably needed at or near the time. It means a lot of sorting of emotions- although, they may not get easier or better. In these times, I have felt gutted, even when the subject appears closed. This makes it all the tougher.
I do not want to dwell on this though- only the forgiveness I want to achieve. I have verbally uttered the words and I whole-heartedly meant (and mean) them! Of course, feelings make it tricky. However, my resolution for this year, is to truly forgive. I want to forget a little, but I won't completely. In these cases - because they are not the worst cases in the world -, it is what I want.
This month I have written a few posts that link a little and ultimately tell their own story and learnt lessons. That I am completely okay with writing them makes me know I am feeling this happiness I have talked about and am over the sad heart. Now, I shall forgive. From this very point onwards.
A Fresh Page & Old Ink,
The Girl in the Moonlight.