I'm not sure that I have ever known what I want to do with my life. While all of my toddler buddies were deciding that they were aspiring astronauts and nurses, five year old me would toddle on, oblivious to the world, probably tripping over something on the way, humming a bit too loudly, dreaming about some alternative world somewhere where I was friends with Fizz from The Tweenies. Wandering through life, but not lost.
I dream of an exciting other world in a different way to others. When I was ten and my friends were dreaming about a world where they were in the next world-wide girl band or the next Keira Knightley, I was aching to be in a world where I was part of all of these exciting storylines I was reading. I was never happier than I was when I was reading a story. I think my parents thought they were lucky to have such a strange kid and confused as to what they did wrong at the same time (obviously not really). I'd go on sleepovers at the weekend and then come home and re-read a novel I'd already ready a thousand times before. I don't think my parents actually realised how much I loved to read, how much I loved those worlds, but it's contributed to my love for novels and fantasy worlds and a more perfect place than here. It contributed to my dreams that are a little out of this world.
Is it important that I wander maybe a little more than others? That when someone says "future" I panic and hide behind a wavering smile? I don't know where I'm heading but there's something exciting about that. My future's not mapped out a head of me, a list of things to achieve in my life is not written, not planned. I wish I did know, but I'm bumbling along, and a bit of bumbling along the way never hurt anyone, ay?
I think - I think - the point I'm trying to make is that you don't always have to know where you're going with your life. The whole as long as you stay true to who you are things plays a big part here. As long as your heart is in what you're doing, plans can wait for another day. Isn't a bit too much of life spent thinking and worrying and planning the next step...the next big thing? Yes, I think so. If you spend your life attempting to achieve your next goal, (as much as you should!) life may be clouded with, not ambition, but the lack of seeing the lovely world in front of you.
Rhubarb & Custard,
The Girl in the Moonlight.