Anonymity

My blog, The Girl in the Moonlight, is anonymous. I've never thought about writing a post completely dedicated to why, but for some reason, today - as anonymity is a big part of my blog - I really want to. In some ways, anonymity comes hand-in-hand with The Girl in the Moonlight. Therefore, although I have referenced my choice to be anonymous a few times, I thought I would explain it all in a little bit more detail. 

My anonymity (it sounds so spooky when written like this) was a choice by a seventeen year old who was a lot of nervous when pushing "publish" for the first time.  If it was that point in time again and I had the same choice: to be anonymous or to not be anonymous... I'd make the very same one.

A part of the reason is that I wouldn't want my name to change my writing. If people I knew were aware of my blog, it would change the topics I discuss. I speak about some things (like love or hope or dreams) in more detail than I would to those I know. My name printed at the bottom of the page would put a lot more pressure on me and I would expect I wouldn't even talk about some of the topics I do talk about (although many I am passionate about in my un-anymous life, of course). It could be considered sad and a choice to be anonymous determined by fear of acceptance. On the surface, it is a little. Not in a completely dramatic way. It's not embarrassment of writing, but embarrassment of me not being good (*violins*). At this point in time, the thought of my name printed at the end of this page does cause me a little fear. Having my name there would, I know for sure, mean losing some of the personal touch that I do think is associated to my blog being this way.

This post is harder to write than anticipated.

Yes, my anonymity is a little to do with embarrassment. (I am by no means expecting any sympathy.) It's not that I'm not proud of my writing. I am. It's just, the thought of people knowing about my blog makes me very nervous and have a very edgy feeling in my stomach. I am not embarrassed by my blog. It's my favourite thing I have created so far. It really, really is. I just can't imagine posting blog posts, knowing that people closest to me (and just people I know) could be reading what I write and thinking thoughts about it. It's just not something I want. I want my writing free from something that I can't quite pinpoint. 

Sometimes all I want is to write a lifestyle post with pictures of me and my friends or me and my day in more obvious detail. This is something that sucks a little. I adore lifestyle posts and like the idea of my post being that little bit more personal. But, I don't regret it. My blog is entirely about my life.

One thing I fear about my anonymity is the thought of people thinking it's a big, pretentious move. I am most certainly not trying to be Gossip Girl- I am not trying to create loads of "woo" around who I am. Nuh-uh. But, it's a risk I am willing to take. 

I said at the start that being anonymous is a big part of my blog. This is so true. But it's also not a big part... I'm still a teenage girl with a love of McFly and books and writing about all sorts of things. These are important attributes to who I am. These are attributes that are portrayed all throughout The Girl in the Moonlight. So am I really all that anonymous?

At the exact point that this sentence is being written, there are different sentences with different points I want to cover written in different places on the page. This very much so helps me know why I am anonymous. This post has made my thoughts very alive and very jumpy- very quick. Writing is one of my absolute favourite hobbies and not one I want to jeopardise. Maybe it could been seen as sad that I don't share this love with my friends and family, but I don't think it is. It's my little secret. Because I want it to be. Because the secretiveness keeps me sheltered- keeps my thoughts excited to come out. They are never censored. 

The Girl in the Moonlight, although anonymous, is 100% me.

Little Notes & Lingering Happiness,

The Girl in the Moonlight.