I have always thought that there are two types of proving yourself: one good and one bad. There's the really great one where you're working incredibly hard to prove you can do something awesome and then there is the one that simply sucks. The one where someone makes you stop and question who you are and whether that attribute they've decided to mock is really that bad. Although it doesn't have to be about peer pressure necessarily, it might be. In my case, I always find myself questioning who I am which frustrates me no end.
Each of my closest friends bring out something about myself that is positive in a brighter way. This is one of the reasons why they're one of my closest friends. In turn, they won't belittle me or any parts of me that aren't negative, but are individual to me. Occasionally, someone may make me feel incredibly small through pointing out one of these features in some way or taking a feature and misreading it completely, making me feel incredibly embarrassed and unsure of what to think.
Although I'm not going to physically try and prove myself and that feature to be worthy of this person, I can spend too long debating a comment and I'll have a desire to want to prove myself.
I think this sucks.
Why do people enjoy tearing a shred out of someone? This shred will encompass my thoughts for a good while and leave me feeling, not only sad, but disappointed that I've let something that really isn't a big deal get to me.
When it comes to the kind of proving yourself that isn't going to better yourself and is completely unnecessary, you don't have to prove yourself to anybody.
When a situation occurs that leaves me feeling incredibly gutted, my heart feels miserable and that's completely uncool on the behalf of whoever's made me feel that way. However, it is uncool that I've let it get to me. Maybe it's second nature to me but I really don't want it to be anymore. When considering these parts of me that I have no reason to be ashamed of, I'm allowed not to care.
And so I won't.
Notes & Grins,
The Girl in the Moonlight.