Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Step-by-Step Guide to Dealing With a Fangirl/boy

Nowadays fangirls and fanboys outnumber those without a musical/TV/sport (tick as appropriate) obsession. Triggered by an incredible motion of love felt for the trigger, a fan-attack can often take place. This is a guide to let you know what could happen.

Common symptoms to look out for:

- "my feels": Inside they are exploding, but it's ok.

- "can u not": It is likely that the person/band have become too beautiful for the victim (the fangirl or fanboy) to deal with and they may repeatedly utter "can u not".

- "I hate them": When this phrase is used it's relating to the person/band/group of people and I must point out, they don't actually hate them. In this moment their emotions have become disorientated and their love has got mixed with the excitement of it all. In contrast they may repeat "I love them" and this will be said with a similar tone with pure sadness and happiness in their eyes. They may even mix 'n' match the two of them.

- "I can't"; "can't even": There's no need to panic. The can breathe; (in the instance where they can't breathe please don't follow my guidelines, I'm having a wee chuckle, but all the same: this is a serious topic) a brief metaphorical and sometimes physical pain is being felt through their body and to the victim can feel very severe because they feel like they cannot handle it. It will pass.

- Is she/he making sounds resembling "asdfghjkl"? Yes? Ok, this isn't good. It will pass. However if the sounds resemble more of a "kdsancsnmcladmlkmxqksdlkpcs"* then things just got serious.

- Shortly after the victim of a love so deep may lie on the floor. This is called the "fangirled out" stage. These sessions can last past an hour; just leave them to it.

- This is often followed by a "I'm dying" stage. They're not dying (again if they are dying, please disregard anything I'm saying). It's a fan euphemism. They're ok. It may be said over and over again seeming as though there's not breaks to breathe.

Side notes:

- Do not under any circumstances, once the fan-attack has blown over call their love a "phase" and do not tell them they "overreacted". It's not a phase, they haven't overreacted and you're not helping. Please treat the subject with care, affection and everlasting support.

- Their mood may be aggressive, sad or incredibly happy.

- When the fan-attack takes place it can involve hysterical crying through the whole process/at a certain stage/not at all.

- Symptoms/orders can vary depending on the fan and the trigger.

*there are variations to how the pattern of what sounds like a jumble of letters (when in fact is a very intricate way of saying those three words) can sound and all are of similar urgency.

Good luck.

Tea & Scones,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

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