Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Only Healthy Friendships

Friendships can be complicated things. I always wish they weren't but different friendships have taught me a plethora of things. I have learnt how to be patient through friendships; how to truly say sorry because of a couple of friendships; how sometimes a friend can really hurt you. A particularly new friendship has shown me how you can meet someone almost just like you and you can thrive happily with this discovered twin. And it is the best thing. I have witnessed such friendships which have had a hint of competitiveness, but I have seen and felt how brilliant this sort of friendship can  be without even a trace of any kind of negative emotion. This friendship among other awesome ones can mean I see faults in others I have and it's important to realise when enough is enough, when you are not benefiting from a friendship while another person may be and when a friendship causes you only upset rather than happiness.

So many friendships are important- friendships, like so much else, do need work. Friendships have varying levels of commitment and may have different purposes. Some that have existed for years and years aren't always better than friendships that have been formed only over a month- sometimes it really is the other way around. No matter what, we choose our friends and it's important to know we are allowed to distance ourselves or even get rid because of many reasons.

I have had a friend who has massively taken advantage of me. I have always wanted to be there for her for reasons I couldn't write down in this post but it doesn't mean she should have been allowed to treat me the ways she often did. I spent a lot of time I wanted to spend being there for her last year... Being there for her a lot. Because I wanted to. It's okay to want to be there for a friend from concern or worry but there are many reasons this can sometimes not be healthy- for I have many friendships where I can be there for them and not feel belittled or unworthy.

Being patronised is my absolute least favourite thing- something the friend in question is amazing at doing. Whenever I'd see her in person, I would know I would be belittled at least three times. And every time I would be. When phrased how she did, I could never find the funny side of it- it's belittling, unnecessary and a form of bullying disguised in a particularly evil way. Not only this but I had a stressful first year of uni and like any of us, I couldn't always answer the phone. Comments were frequently made about this- she found it so easy to passively aggressively tell me how I wasn't there for her on the occasions I wouldn't answer the phone.

Quite frankly, these kinds of friendships grind at me. I get frustrated, upset and ultimately so annoyed I dread talking to these people. When a friendship has run its course it's quite obvious to me; this one ran its course quite a while before I made a stand. I can't say I made a particularly good stand and it came at an awful time but life happens. However, even though all has not been said and closed, the loss of a friendship, I know, must be done, if more good than bad comes from it.

Friendship is one of my absolutely favourite things but they can become laced with bad things that can take up too much of our time and too many of our thoughts. Choose positivity over negativity. Always.

Good Friendships & Smiles,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

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