Monday, 20 July 2015

That Fear of Reacting "Inorrectly"

As humans*, I do think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to react "correctly." Reactions are an everyday occurrence; some weighted with more pressure (that we may put on ourselves) than others. Some I believe shouldn't be weighted either because it's silly to put pressure on that specific issue or because it is wrong for them to be weighted (therefore I do not worry over them, and I never think it is acceptable for people to do so), and some, I don't know how to react to at all. For example, the other day I was talking with my friend, and we were saying that we just don't know how to react to being given presents. It shouldn't be a "thing"; this person wants to give us a present, and we just don't know how to act on all accounts! Ah, the confusion!

Some issues just are sensitive. A lot of the times because we want nothing but to protect the person who it affects the most. This does not make us bad or awkward people. It also means sometimes we don't know how to act. I am talking about the issues where someone close to us has lost someone close to them. When it comes down to it, I know I act in the moment; I'm not considering my reaction all that much. But we can overthink. Did I deal with that badly? Did I end up upsetting her more? This may cause anxiety for next time. We have to remember, we are not expected to know what to do! I just know I will be there- even if I react badly, I will be there for my friend!

Recently (I briefly spoke about it in a post), a lot of blame was put upon me and it shocked me so much that I just didn't know how to react. I was suddenly very aware that my reaction would be very important in what would happen next. The ball was in my court. I put a lot of pressure on my reaction. I needed, for myself, to say what I felt. I felt unnecessarily blamed and very not listened to. I needed what I thought to be heard. Instead I stayed silent, feeling very upset, and not wanting to make things worse. Only, this was the wrong reaction. Because eventually I realised what I was feeling had to be heard. Otherwise there would be no moving on- and now, since it happened (since I have spoken), the situation has be resolved and moved on from!

There are loads of little "subtopics" to this post that should be addressed. A friend has just broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and are in tears? We just have to be there for them! A friend hasn't done as well as they hoped to in something? We remind them that they are awesome, it may not be the biggest deal, and they will do better next time! We receive a compliment from someone? We should stop feeling threatened by this!

There is another part of this whole Reactions Thing. The bad bit that I briefly mentioned. The conclusion is this: I never want to be part of an "elderly generation" (of course the stereotypes would never apply to all in one group so yay for all of the elderly in whatever generation and time in the past or future who don't succumb to this stereotype) who doesn't understand things that don't require "understanding." For example, I was once sat outside and I heard an lady - maybe seventy - telling her husband that "That young lady has ruined her body with those tattoos!" Lame. Very lame. To finish this bit off (as I want this post to be about reactions that we all experience that no one can blame anyone for rather than JUDGE), this world should be a place where a bisexual man shouldn't have to be afraid of a reaction- BECAUSE THERE SHOULDN'T BE ONE. I'd list more examples but I've made my point. A point that needs to be heard more widely.

We all - even those who wouldn't even consider the fear of reacting - have some kind of limit when it comes to reacting, so let's use that as our comfort, ay?

Green & Yellow,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

*This seems like such a weird saying... is it a saying? It feels fitting anyway!

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