Friday, 20 June 2014

Midnight Thoughts

~ Last night ~

Earlier this evening I was walking home just before the sun was setting after a sad realisation, a sense of tranquillity and a lot of thoughts in my mind. Those thoughts, right now, are as prominent as they were in the company of misty eyes and a silence that screamed a lot of truths. Thinking back to a few hours ago, my walk felt like one of those poignant moments in a novel; where there is a sense of calm in the air, matched by a perfectly serene scene, despite the world's problems. I feel like I've learnt something valuable this evening. I was hoping I could make sense of it with words.

Sleepy pubs made me find true happiness tonight. This may be because I'd just left my best friend and seeing companionship and deserved fun made me content in their contentment, or maybe it was because the happiness they were feeling is the happiness I feel with my best friend. It was the happiness I wanted to experience in that moment with her, to banish her sadness.

Perspective, I feel, is everything.

It's fragile and sometimes unforgiving and ignorant. But tonight, my perspective was shattered and altered with the aftermath of a few words; and grief overcame me somewhat. Maybe it's not technically right to say something only "overcame" me in a certain measurement of something, but my perspective didn't change because of what I'd been told, of the experience that was shared. My perspective was one of solemnity.

Life can be cruel.

Life can be cruel, and then it can manipulate people into feeling feelings that they know aren't true.

They believe them, though.

And how can you console someone when they know the truth, but can't even whisper it? Hold their hand and hope it speaks a million perfect words? Tick. Say the words, disjointed, but real? Tick. Wipe their tears and wipe your tears and see their nod accept that they know you're sincere? Tick.

We said goodbye with a bittersweet melody tonight, and I hope you know I meant every squeeze I squeezed, every word I said, every tear that stung my eyes.

Looking back, I fear my words weren't enough. Did they seem empty? Without conviction? Something tells me that you, my best friend, would know that they weren't empty and were far from lacking conviction. I'm sitting in my room with a laptop and a lot of thoughts, and I hope the truth that is somewhere - albeit deep down - in your heart helps you, like I will try to, as I hope I always have tried to.

You are my hero, and I hope being there with truthful eyes was enough.

Hugs & Hope,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

P.S. As I like to document my blogging: I won't be posting next week due to a very busy week, but will be posting four times a week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday) from the next week onwards.

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