Today I was thinking about things I'm afraid of. Ultimately, I think fears suck.
I'll start with the generic one. I feel bad for rejecting their existence shown with the fear on my face, but they scare me and I don't like them. I fear spiders a lot.
By "public speaking" I mean speaking in front of people with planned material. The time running up to the expected event means a lot of nerves and scenarios being imagined in my head. I'll get flustered; I'll forget what I'm saying; I'll simply not portray the best version of myself. I'll believe this and then it may happen and I'll feel worse because I expected it. This fear causes me to shut any thoughts about anything else out, as well as positive thoughts, or what will happen after this event. In these moments, the event is the only thing on my mind.
Humiliating myself/being humiliated
This fear bothers me and I can't work out why. Unless I'm intentionally being silly or I find it funny, I really disdain the idea of making a fool of myself. I don't like the idea of being dumbfounded and unable to recover myself. Sometimes I feel like I can foresee myself being caught in humiliation and it brings me to fear such a moment, which doesn't help in the long run.
All of these don't overcome me and yet they are petrifying experiences when they occur. Both the fearing and the event is scary.
A conclusion ~ part one
Spiders. We may fear them, but other than the scary ones that will do us harm (like some people), most don't deserve our fear.
Public speaking. Some people enjoy it, others don't. I may never be completely comfortable with it but I know that when I attempt to banish these thoughts, the moments before and during are a lot more pleasant.
Humiliating myself/being humiliated. That's life, I suppose. It's not necessarily a malicious event, for me, and it seems to be another case of ignoring the thoughts and carpe diem-ing that moment.
A conclusion ~ part two
We all have fears. Fears suck. But we also have hope beyond these fears.
Unexpected Smiles & Phone Conversations,
The Girl in the Moonlight.
P.S. This is what you get when a blogger lets their thoughts simply spill out all over a page. I hope you can find something profound within this thought splurge.