"You don't need another one," I whisper to myself. I rub my hands anxiously and make a decision. "But I'm strong enough to look and not touch. Yes, I am. Of course I am."
Flippantly dismissing any good angel thoughts, I push forward the doors of a bookshop with trepidation and feel my eyes excitedly dart around. See, I can look at the books. Just no touching. It's a museum, not a shop.
My pulse races, my hands sweat and my purse is ghostly and knowing company in my bag.
As soon as I approach the row of shiny, beautiful books on offer, I forget my previous thoughts and suddenly the bright lights are brighter than they are and I'm confused. I'm really confused. With five books piled in my hands, I notice a "buy one, get one half price" sign. I use my mind to assure myself that, yes, I can buy into this deal. As all of the books in my hands are in this deal, I, with greedy eyes, excite over the names of books I've heard of and books I haven't, ready to find one more. It would be stupid to buy five when I can get another half price... right?
I'm sure it's not my hand the reaches out in front of me and picks up three more books.
But it is.
Staring down at the guilt staining my hands in the form of silky front covers and delicately strong pages, I force myself to put two books back, before, with an expression of glower, convincing myself that I should venture further into the shop.
...There are classics/books that are films/young adult novels/romance novels...
...I have a basket now. I also have panic and happiness racing through my veins.
The shop is like a museum of beauty with a forbidden display that you're allowed to touch.
Frantically admiring the books in my basket, I join the queue, feigning composure and demonstrating how normal the situation is by clasping my purse in one hand and one of the books in the other, re-reading the blurb and ignoring the feeling in my stomach and sticking with the one that smiles in my heart.
I think the woman at the desk speaks but I'm not sure so I smile - at least I think I do - and pay before exiting the shop.
The sun stings my eyes and confusion anchors my movements.
How did it come to this?
I love books. Does anyone else have this problem? Please let me know!
Glossy Front Covers & Sunshine,
The Girl in the Moonlight.