A Bit of Book Chatter | May

IT'S BOOK HAUL TIME. This makes for a very happy blogger as May has been a beautiful month book-wise!


























You're The One That I Want by Giovanna Fletcher

I have been waiting for this glorious delight since I fell deeply and unconditionally in love with Billy and Me, Giovanna Fletcher's first novel. I am well into this stunningly sweet and captivating book and I can't wait to get my review up! (I'm going to cheekily link it HERE when it is up!) The book that I would describe as a heart-warming sunset to read, is about three best friends, Rob, Ben and Maddy. An unbreakable bond between them could be weakened, though, by love.

Thirteen Weddings by Paige Toon

New Paige Toon books make me giddyishly (I personally think this should be a word) excited. She writes books that, to me, are the equivalent to eating many butterfly cakes in the sun with lemonade by my side. I can't wait to start this. Thirteen Weddings is about Bronte and the re-introduction to a short-lived romance, Alex. Named as a "bittersweet novel", I am feeling butterflies at the thoughts of Paige Toon making me fall in love with another fictional character.

Lolito by Ben Brooks

I am so very intrigued by this book. The wonderful Amanda from Adventures from the Bookshelf and I decided to read the same book and review it. After a gruelling contest of picking a genre and name out of an online decider, Lolito by Ben Brooks was the winner and I am more than excited to read it. It's about a young 15 year old boy that has a relationship with a middle-aged woman and I feel like it's going to teach me a lot.

Confetti & Bike Rides,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

A Memory

When I think about my childhood, I have many poignant memories and one of them always makes me feel some level of guilt.

It is a memory from when I was on holiday with my family. I can't tell you what age I was exactly but I would have been about three or four. I was sat up on a sunbed and although I can't be certain, I think it was a hot day. Most of my family were in the pool but I didn't want to go in and sat with my mum instead. My dad came up to the side of the pool and excitedly asked me to go in with him. Three or four year old me seemed to have replied with something along the lines of "no" in an angry tone, and seemingly for no reason. "Please," my dad would have continued to ask, still excited and grinning stupidly. I continued to be angry and rejected his offer even though he was seeming sad, both feigningly (whether this is a word or not, I cannot be sure, but I enjoy it) and legitimately too.

Whenever I think of this memory, I hear the phrase "cutting off your nose to spite your face."

I don't feel like my memory is lying when I remember saying "no" just because I wanted to and then becoming even more worked up when my dad protested, thereby making me want to prove a point: I supposedly didn't want to go in.

I wish I did go in.

Throughout my life, when situations - especially involving my dad - like this have occurred, I have thought of this memory and reminded myself that I might feel the regret that I still genuinely feel for not going into the pool after I have potentially said "no." Naturally, this wouldn't apply to situations that have the chance or will end badly for me or others, but with other situations, I can't help feel a feeling in my stomach - that I'm not sure has a name - when I may reject an offer that could mean me and someone bonding. I think it should be called "pre-regret." (Okay, I just searched it up in case it does exist and, well, it does: pre-emptive regret.)

I feel like my rejecting of making my dad smile happened because I couldn't bite my tongue and swallow my irritable mood and, because I regret it so much, in my head my dad was really sad (even though he probably was only momentarily sad) and this upsets me!

Naturally, sometimes I'll have other reasons for not taking up an offer (I might even just not want to or lack motivation) and this is okay, of course, but the moral of this memory is: I try not to cut off my nose to spite my face!

Does a memory of yours tell you something important?

This memory taught me a little lesson that I keep close to my heart.

Making Memories & Trips to the Pool,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

One Minute Past Nine

Scream internally. Scream eternally. She wishes she could scream externally.

Scrunching her hair up in her hands, her mind tormenting her every move, she whispers with complete conviction, "Please."

While her family are downstairs, happily naïve to her struggle, she dares to cry; sadness finally steals her composure. Over time, she realises the rain has stopped: The time has come. She hears her mother call, "We're going for a walk!"

"Okay!" her voice breaks. A whimper dares to escape and panic runs through her veins, fearing her mother heard. Hoping her mother heard.

It was five minutes before she believes she is alone; the silence willing to confirm her confusion; begging her to hear the verdict. You always wear trousers. She hears a voice. You've never worn high heels. You've never wanted to. The cruel voice sneers and pokes and snipes and jabs. You always wear your hair up. "Yes, but," she responds. You never had any feelings for him. You did what everyone else was doing. "I liked him." She looks down at her hands; her blood-red hands.

A voice louder than her heart's persisted every day; a voice she's heard before; a voice that's defined by someone cynical, someone bigger than her. Someone bigger than everyone. And everyone seems to ultimately answer to it. It relentlessly presses on, focussing on every insecurity, every fear and what it believes is a lie.

Unjust, but today, spitefully truthful, she thinks.

She pledges no responsibility to the tears that tell her everything. She was, she wasn't. She doesn't care for the ignorant technicalities; she cares about the knowing. 

Helplessness defines her every breath. Like glass smashing, an invasion of shivers become the girl on the floor in the middle of her shadowed bedroom; the bedroom that feels like a cellar, despite its moments of freedom. In her head, sirens tell her there's no time.

Darkness finally completely surrenders with no fight left in it and she looks at the clock.

It was one minute past nine in the evening when "I'm gay" escaped Hollie's lips without trepidation.

~

It frustrates me so incredibly much that it's society's expectations that can trigger a person into wondering about their sexuality; it's not another person's decision. It also REALLY isn't down to the clothes people wear or how they behave. It frustrates me, too, that it can be a completely draining and unfairly emotional and isolated experience. I've watched a couple of people struggle so much and it's completely heart-breaking and unjust.

We can change it.

Hot Air Balloons & Picnics,

The Girl in the Moonlight.

The Story Behind the Book

In my world, reading is an experience that is more than just the pages I'm turning. The act of reading itself is one that can produce and accompany so many situations.

A book can make a bad situation less bad because time is being spent, alongside enduring a day full of rain, thinking about characters and stories and delving into their worlds. Equally, books will be my best friends in awesome times. They also carry me through lazy days or days without plans.

A few years ago I read The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks. At that point in time some rubbish things were happening but with these events being accompanied by one of my favourite novels, I had something to look forward to and to completely savour when I could pick up the book again. It caused me to feel relief throughout the day- even when I wasn't reading. When I was going through those days, I could spend my time excited to read my book and the same when I was reading it. It made the days happier.

I've said that books are exquisite company when the sun is shining in my world. For example, last year, at the point in which I was reading Billy and Me by Giovanna Fletcher, I was having an awesome time and, thereby, I assign Sophie May and Billy Buskin's story with my positive story last year.

More recently, I read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. At that point in time I was having a happy time mixed in with a lot of tiredness and stress but this wonderful story made my current story even brighter. I was completely entranced by the story (and still am!) and getting into bed to have a good ol' read really made my days!

Books really are my best friends.

Do you have any book memories that are attached to a certain book? Has a book ever made you feel more relaxed or more excited or more content?

Blossom & Butterflies,

The Girl in the Moonlight.